It’s both a blessing and a curse that women don’t come with some sort of manual. Such a book would surely be so large and complex that it would put even the most intricate works of literature to shame, and yet also would help men from making mistake after mistake when it comes to dating them!
If you’ve ever been somewhat stuck when it comes to dating girls, then we have the blog for you. Below is one of our best sets of tips to help those men who just can’t seem to get it right when it comes to meeting and dating women. The bad news is that there’s no cure-all solution that works every time. The good news is that there’s lots you can do to make your situation better.
Background: What’s Hard About Dating Women?
First of all, let’s clarify exactly what it is that gets men so flustered when it comes to dating. What’s preventing any man from finding the girl of his dreams? Well, it seems that there are a number of obstacles in the way:
Lacking Confidence or Courage
Men who perhaps don’t have a body like Chris Hemsworth, or who are going bald, getting older, don’t have exciting jobs, and who have been turned down by women many times before are generally lacking in the kind of confidence and courage that they need to even ask out any girls that they like. They may well have a shot with some girls they see or meet, but their shortage of confidence means they don’t even ask, and sooner or later, those girls have moved on.
Meeting the Wrong Types of Women
Many men have problems meeting the types of women that would be good dating partners for them because they are looking in all the wrong places. They perhaps use hook-up apps, or meet girls in nightclubs, thinking that one of them will be the girl of his dreams. The trouble is that women on hook-up apps may just be looking for that: a hook-up, and women in nightclubs may too just be looking to have fun.
Wanting Different Things
Some men can’t seem to get dates with girls because it quickly becomes apparent that the two people want different things. We mentioned some examples in the previous point, but there are many more examples too where men may claim they want to date but actually are looking for more of a hook-up situation. The women they meet, on the other hand, may be ready to talk about commitment, marriage, kids, and more.
Finally, there is an element of complexity when it comes to girls that many men just can’t wrap their heads around. Between women’s generally superior emotional intelligence, potentially delicate or difficult situations surrounding their work-life balance, and their differing desires from a relationship to those of men, it’s quite easy for guys to just put their foot in it and get everything completely wrong.
Tips on Meeting Great Girls
If you want to start dating a girl, then you first have to know where to meet girls that are suitable for you. Here are some useful tips to make those meetings work for you far better.
Tip #1: Turn Off the Hook-Up Apps
We’re not saying that hook-up apps give you zero chance of meeting a great girl for dating. They might well do! However, you’re much more likely going to waste a great deal of time on those platforms trying to make it all work, and the most probable result is that you end up back at square one.
If you’re serious about meeting someone to start dating and potentially build a meaningful relationship, then start by turning off, possibly deleting, your hook-up apps. At the very least, turn off notifications so that they “go dark” on your device.
Tip #2: Focus on Your Interests
If you want to meet a really great girl, then you should start from a place of common ground. The best way to do that is look at what your interests are, and then attend as many public or community events where you can pursue these interests as you can. Why do we say this? Well, the first and most obvious reason is that by attending events connected to your interests, your chances of meeting a like-minded girl with whom you have a lot in common will exponentially increase.
Let’s take sports as an example. You see a Facebook ad for a community mixed-doubles tennis tournament in your area. You don’t need to enter with anyone, you can just sign up and you’ll be assigned a partner. Right there you have an interesting chance of being paired with a nice girl who loves tennis as much as you!
Alternatively, you might be interested in reading, then how about attending book fairs, or meeting someone you like and chatting them up in a bookstore? The list goes on. If you want to meet someone with whom you have a connection, you have to try and put yourself in places where other people like you and who like the same things as you will also be.
Tip #3: Ask for Introductions from Friends and Family
You might really balk at this idea, but turning to friends and family can be a great way to meet girls. It could be that someone you know works with a single girl in the office that is always complaining she can’t meet good men, for instance. Your friend knows you, and knows her, and may make a very good judgment on your compatibility.
You don’t have to ask all of your friends or family. Just focus on people you trust or who you think will give you the best results, if you think that will work better.
Tip #4: Use a More Comprehensive Dating Site/Platform
For those who have turned off the hook-up apps but still want to start their search online, that’s absolutely fine, but you should use a more reliable and comprehensive dating site to do so. A proper dating site connects you to a wider range of individuals, and allows you to create a more detailed profile that can be matched with others that share your interests, are in your local area, and/or want the same things as you do.
What to Say to Girls That You Want to Date
Let’s say you’ve followed the above tips and you’ve met someone you really like. What do you do? How can you kick off the dating process? Well, it needs to start with some good conversation. Here are some tips on what you can say to girls that you want to date:
- Ice Breakers — Ask them how they are today; talk about the weather; compliment their outfit, or perhaps their hair; make an observation about the place you are in or the event you are attending
- Conversation Topics
- Hypotheticals: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you go?
- TV and Movies: Seen any good streaming series recently?
- Travel: Where was the best vacation you’ve ever spent?
- Music: What do you listen to when you really need a pick-me-up?
- Coffee: Where’s your favorite spot to get morning coffee?
- Background: Did you grow up around here?
- Hobbies: How do you like to spend your free time?
- Pet Peeves: What’s something that really gets your goat?
- Things to Avoid
- Personal or sexual matters — those will come later if things go well!
- Initiating a First Date – Keep it Simple and Casual
- Could I maybe buy you dinner some time?
- Do you wanna grab a cup of coffee with me?
- Could I take you for a drink tonight?
How Can I Go From First Date to Second, and Beyond?
So, when you’ve met someone nice, and struck up a conversation with her, and even got a first date out of it. How can you then translate that into a situation where you’re dating her regularly? How do you get to a second date and beyond? For that, we have three final pieces of advice:
Maintain Regular Contact
The first rule is keeping in touch with this nice girl you’ve met. That’s easier than ever in the modern age thanks to apps like WhatsApp, Messenger, and others that allow you to communicate even without having to have phone credit and texting. Try to have at least one good conversation with this person each day. This kind of frequency will allow you to more quickly open up to one another, share more about yourselves, and build trust.
Make Romantic Gestures
If you really like this girl, how about occasionally doing some nice things for her? Invite her to lunch when she’s having a tough day at work. Send her some flowers or a gift, if it strikes you as opportune. Send her sweet messages that say things like “you brighten up my day” or “you’re the first one I think of when I wake up.” Everyone likes getting sweet messages like this, and your girl is sure to appreciate them.
Don’t Push too Hard, Just Let Things Work Out
Finally, when it comes to dating a girl that you like, it’s better to let things play out more naturally over time rather than trying to force the issue. The harder you push on something, the more likely you are to just create an awkward situation. It’s far better to just try and sit back and enjoy the ride. The more open, natural, friendly and warm you are with one another, the stronger and deeper your connection becomes. Before you know it, you have left singledom and now have a proper girlfriend.